The Five Stages of Getting Over an Unwanted Christmas Gift
Another Christmas has come and gone, and once again you are left with that one gift you really didn’t want to receive. You’ve told your Uncle Roy thousands of times that you don’t like multi-colored turtleneck sweaters, but does he ever listen? No. He never does. Come on, Roy!
So what do you do? How do you deal with this new, unwanted thing in your life? We’re here to help you navigate the five-step process of getting over an unwanted Christmas gift. This process isn’t easy or fun, but we believe that the end result is well worth the trouble. So buckle up because it’s going to be a bumpy ride. Here we go!
STAGE ONE: DENIAL
You unwrap the paper and are immediately disappointed with what you find. However, you quickly repress that disappointment in favor of a more levelheaded approach. You think to yourself, “Well, this gift is certainly… different. But I’m sure I can find a use for this in my everyday life.” But over the next few days, you discover that, try as you might, this novelty turtleneck just isn’t for you. You’ve put it on multiple times only to rip it off moments later because you can’t take the feel of the itchy fabric on your neck skin. You, like, literally can’t even. Thus, the first stage ends with you deciding to try to return the gift to the store in exchange for a new, less itchy one.
STAGE TWO: ANGER
You go to the store to try to return it, but you don’t have the receipt, so they won’t accept it. Now you’re angry. “What do they mean they won’t accept it? It hasn’t even been opened. It’s in perfect condition. What in the world must I do to get rid of this?” In your rage you go to your pantry and down a whole box of Frosted Flakes in one sitting. Man, are you angry! Don’t let this stage go on for too long, or you might wind up gaining even more weight on top of that fifteen pounds you picked up from Christmas dinner. (So… much… ham.) Besides, anger is unnecessary when you’ve got the Internet at your disposal.
STAGE THREE: BARGAINING
Perhaps you can find someone online who’s willing to buy your terrible gift from you. After all, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, right? There’s gotta be a weird turtleneck enthusiast out there somewhere. So you post your gift on Amazon and eBay and wait for a buyer. Then months go by, and you eventually forget you even posted it. Every now and then you’ll notice the sweater in your closet, and it’ll prompt you to go and check your sales page. Eventually you give up. No one wants to buy it. Depression sets in.
STAGE FOUR: DEPRESSION
A full year has gone by. It’s Christmastime again, and you’re brainstorming gift ideas for friends and family. The sweater still sits in your closet like the proverbial albatross around your neck. Sometimes at night you think you hear it knocking on your closet door, calling to you, guilt tripping you, saying things like, “Why haven’t you worn me yet? Why did you try to sell me? Don’t you like me?” Slowly, madness is beginning to set in. You think you must get rid of the sweater before it gets rid of you. You consider regifting the sweater, something you never thought you would ever consider. “But that’s so tacky,” you moan to yourself. “And what if Uncle Roy finds out I regifted it? He’d never forgive me. And I don’t think any of my friends would want this terrible sweater anyway. Oh, what did I do to deserve this mortal coil?” You bow your head in anguish, thinking that the terrible gift has defeated you.
STAGE FIVE: ACCEPTANCE
But it hasn’t defeated you! Take heart, my poor, downtrodden reader. Things are not so bleak. For in the hour of your deepest despair, you have an epiphany. Although you may not like your gift, and your friends probably won’t like it, and it would be entirely too risky to try to regift the thing, there is still one final option: donation. You now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this strangely patterned turtleneck sweater has absolutely no place in your life. You can gain nothing from it, so why not make it available to someone who can?
There are thousands of charities out there that would be happy to accept your hardly-used sweater as a donation. Reputable charities like Goodwill and The Salvation Army have locations all around the country where you can drop off all of your unwanted, gently used turtlenecks. You could also connect to a lot of great charities online through organizations like Good360, which serves a network of 40,000 charities. With all of these charitable options, you’re almost guaranteed to find a new home for your unwanted sweater, where it will undoubtedly be more appreciated.
Congratulations! You’ve made it through the five stages of getting over an unwanted Christmas gift and helped someone in need in the process! Doesn’t it feel good to be charitable during the holidays? The good news is that you can be charitable all year around, and not just when you get a bad gift. After all, getting is great, but giving is even better.
What do you think of our five step guide? Are there any unwanted gifts you’re thinking about donating to charity this year? Let us know in the comments below.